Interviewing Is a Two-Way Street

Most hiring managers approach interviewing like they're hosting a beauty pageant. They sit back, arms crossed, waiting to be impressed. Meanwhile, candidates show up desperate to win, tap dancing their way into roles without knowing if they even want them.

Employers do all the evaluating. Candidates do all the selling.

And then we scratch our heads when it doesn't work out.

For employers, sticking solely to evaluation might feel natural—after all, you're trying to avoid expensive hiring mistakes. But this drives away anyone with options who wants to think carefully about their next move—exactly the talent you should be trying to attract.

The interview process isn't a contest. It's mutual discovery. And if you actually care about improving your organization, you want team members who chose you as deliberately as you chose them.

This can only happen when both parties simultaneously sell and evaluate.

For years my go-to interview opener was Why do you want this job? Then one day a candidate told me, I don’t know if I want it, that’s why I'm here. Doh! I couldn't believe I'd missed something so obvious for so long. I've since switched to Why has this job piqued your interest?

When an interviewer fixates on evaluation, they project an air of superiority that sophisticated candidates interpret as rigidity or, worse, desperation masked as selectivity. The best candidates—those who have options and know their worth—will sense this imbalance and quietly withdraw. What’s more, you'll miss crucial signals about how candidates make decisions. The ones who probe deeply into your challenges and culture are often the same ones who will bring that rigor to solving your business problems. (Yes, you're now evaluating how they evaluate—very meta.)

Of course, candidates can fall into the same trap from the other direction.

We've gotten this far without comparing interviewing to dating, but candidates take note: desperation isn't attractive in either context. When you only sell yourself and fail to evaluate the opportunity, you're telegraphing I'll take anything you offer. This torpedoes your credibility. Strong candidates know they're not just being hired—they're choosing their next opportunity.

Mutual selling and evaluation creates a virtuous cycle. When a candidate asks penetrating questions about your business model or challenges your assumptions about the role, they demonstrate confidence and competence. When you openly share concerns about potential fit issues or discuss real challenges, you demonstrate transparency and confidence. Both parties signal they're mature enough to handle a real conversation about fit.

By all means evaluate candidates rigorously—but don't forget to sell. Share what makes your company and the role exciting, then create space for candidates to evaluate you in return.

You’re not crowning a winner. You’re making a match.