HR Isn’t Your Therapist

It starts with good intentions.

A manager encourages an open-door policy. An employee vents about their manager. HR listens—empathetically, skillfully. Then word spreads. One by one, people begin dropping by “just to talk.” Before long, HR is fielding emotional downloads, refereeing interpersonal drama, and managing burnout in everyone but themselves.

Of course, empathy is essential in HR. But when your HR pro becomes the de facto emotional processing center for your company, something’s off. Instead of building a psychologically safe culture, you’ve outsourced the emotional cost to one person.

The best HR people—admittedly not common—are strategic operators. They design systems that align incentives, support managers, and build trust across the org. They coach managers. They don’t do their jobs for them.

But none of that is possible if they’re trapped in a permanent venting loop, playing therapist without the training, support, or boundaries that role demands.

Here’s what happens when HR becomes the therapist:

• Managers abdicate. “Talk to HR” becomes the default, even when a manager should be stepping in.

• Employees get confused. If HR is both policy enforcer and emotional confidante, which hat are they wearing today?

• Burnout spikes in the very department tasked with keeping culture healthy.

Trust isn’t built by turning HR into a one-stop shop for everyone’s emotional baggage. It’s built by teaching managers how to have hard conversations and deal with people like adults. HR’s job is to design the system, not to carry its dysfunction. If your team needs mental health support, give them access to actual mental health resources, whether that’s an EAP, therapy stipend, or licensed professionals on call. Don’t hand it off to the nearest empathetic employee and call it culture.

A good HR partner can help build a healthier workplace, but they can’t do the emotional labor for everyone else.

Draw the line early, or watch your best HR people quietly walk out the door.